I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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