Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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