"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize