I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
