Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
