Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
