bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
PANTIES FOUND
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
