my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
