Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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