Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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