I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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