No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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