I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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