Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
