Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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