Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
