3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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