Its about making memories worth repressing
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
