It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
