I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
