Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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