Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize