You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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