i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
