I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
