why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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