Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
