you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize