so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
