and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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