i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
