I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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