i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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