Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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