I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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