I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
