did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just tell him i said nine months
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
