I didn't shave. On purpose
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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