I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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