That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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