been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
