you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
