I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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