She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
