I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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