did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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