I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she told me i tasted like america
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
