so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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