What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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