why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
