my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize