So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
