it wasn't lemon gatorade
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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