He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
