all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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