i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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