Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
