porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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