I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
