I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
