i think i have herpe
just one?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
