and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So many bounce houses so little time
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
