SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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