The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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