im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
