bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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