i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
