And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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