Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
