My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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