I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
