one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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